new low.... made out with someone while peeing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
