My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
