And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
