Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
