Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
