Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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