That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
