can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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