friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
