I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
