I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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