Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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