he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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