he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
