1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is not my ceiling
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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