You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
