sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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