stop calling my apartment porn island.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will be naked everywhere
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
