Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
