I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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