it wasn't lemon gatorade
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
