i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
