I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
