went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
