I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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