if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
