I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sober January is a disaster.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
