The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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