she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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