Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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