i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
