she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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