Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize