I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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