You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
