So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
