unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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