I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
