How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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