did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
