last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
