At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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