I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Let's get the cat blown out
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
