I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
