checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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