are you still at the devil's house?
barbara walters just said penis...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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