She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
