I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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