ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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