make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
