**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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