I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
