Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
