trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
