i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
