now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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