Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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