someone threw a dead crab at me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i barfeds in our rink
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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