i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
