3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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