ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
