She is in my trunk
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
