Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
