can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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