I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
