Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize