It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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