I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
