I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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