pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
