If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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