Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
