You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
