Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
